Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus Review

Well, I wish there were more I could say about this game, but there simply isn’t. In fact, I wish there were more to play in the game! It’s so short there’s really not much for me to write a review on. Sadly, it’s not even that great a review, either.

I had been awaiting this game for a long, long time. I read about it, read updates about it, pre-ordered it, read updates about it some more, and finally received it. ….Then it sat on my shelf for a while. I started working upwards of ten hours a day and six or seven days a week, so I never had a chance to even remove the plastic on the case! A full year later, I was completely ashamed of myself! I wanted this game so, so much! More than I could even begin to describe, and yet, I left it alone for an entire year! Maybe even longer! Anyway, I immediately ripped open the case and put it in my PS2. I had heard from many people that this game was quite a disappointment, but as I watched the opening scenes, I was mesmerized. It was beautiful! It was the world of Final Fantasy VII and it had been updated to the PS2! This is what I had been waiting so long for! ….Then I started playing it. This game was more disappointing than I could even imagine after hearing it so many times. I mean, maybe I’m being too harsh, but the entire game lasts for about twelve hours of playing time. The characters don’t really do much except for run around and shoot bad guys that take about twenty shots to die. Sure, you get to see Vincent do a bunch of cool flips a la Devil May Cry, but surely, they could have built a few of those tricks into the actual gameplay mechanics, right? I know I would have enjoyed actually using the acrobatics on display!

It’s really sad that a Final Fantasy title disappoints me this much, but then again, this doesn’t really even feel like a Final Fantasy title. Even the overhauled Final Fantasy XII feels heaps more like an FF game than this one! I completely forgot who the main character was until I saw Cloud in a cutscene. ….But then again, maybe the prospect of seeing old favorite characters is enough to woo your money out of your pocket. It certainly was for me. Part of me wishes I had listened to everyone that disliked the game, but still, that nerdy, completist part of me knew I needed to have it and play it. Anyway, there’s really not much need to bother with a scoring system because I don’t quite remember the music or the middle part of the plot. It all seemed quite irrelevant and unrelated, anyway. So, overall, with the incredibly short length, the disappointing gameplay, the loss of character identity (although Yuffie is in it and she’s just as spunky as ever!), this game receives a five out of ten. Considering all of the public dissent, this game lives up to the hype. Bad hype is still hype, I suppose.

It really pains me to even write this review, but I want others out there to be able to see what the game is really like. You may like it just for the novelty of being a Final Fantasy VII title, but in terms of video games, this isn’t one of the best.